YIntelliZHEN

Today is CIP day.
sec 4 and 5 had to visit the elderly one room flats.
earlier in the day, I was slightly upset by the fact that we had to give in our saturday morning.
but I've realised, I took more what I've gave.
Our group was the only group that needed cleaning in a 80 year old lady's flat.
I was slightly taken aback why only one flat that needed cleaning while all the rest of the group just need to hand them the food item.
The moment we reached the corridor, I could feel a chill down my spine.
It was dark, long, small , just like those in ghost films.
as we walked through the corridor, there's this a wierd pungent smell in the atmosphere.
greeted by the old lady, could tell instantly that she had trouble with her legs.
as I was the only one able to communicate with the old lady, I asked what she need and help.
she was very happy that we visited her and only require us to clean the floor only, at first. But we offered more help by scrubbing the walls.
I did not do most of the cleaning as I was interacting with the old lady.
Most of the elderly wouldn't care about whether their house was clean or what, all they need is someone to talk to , and the best gift I could offer was my pair of listening ears.
I could see her tears swelling up as she spoke.
Saw one big bag of medicines from polyclinics that she has to eat everyday, soon, memories of my granny came gushing back.
It was quite typical among all elderly, the last thing they want to happen was to fall down at home . It's the worst scenerio for them.
she was telling about her left leg which was weak while the right was slightly stronger, to support her in walking in small steps.
I felt a pain in my heart as I see her desperately trying to support herself while moving around.
I felt helpless and useless , just like how I felt 2 years back, unable to release her pain, the same way I felt towards grannny.
after chatting, I helped to clean dry the floor, making sure, it's as dry as possible, I wouldn't want her to fall down.
and, I swear zheng ying seems to be one who does not do any housework at home.
He suggested using a BROOM to sweep away the water. FOR FUCK SAKE, WHERE'S YOUR BRAIN?
Tried to do a little more cleaning or else it isn't fair for the others that I did little cleaning.
after leaving, went to the old man's flat.
handed the food, then went to assemble.
On the bus, my eyes were slightly filled with tears, couldn't stop thinking of granny.
I know, it sounds "wtf", but for someone who spent most of her childhood with her granny, slowly looking at her condition detoriate, it can feel unbearable at times.
Thinking about her frequent visiting to polyclinics,hospitals,nursing home and then death.
Death isn't the most heartbreaking for me, it's the process when you see one's condition detoriating.
from happy,strong,still able to roar , to someone with a blur look,soft-spoken,weak and not even sure if she recognised you.
I always felt that I've not done enough for granny, always thought that I could have done better, constantly blaming myself for losing my temper towards her when I was much younger.
.
words cannot express how I felt, the feeling of losing a love one.
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